Welcoming 2015 Without a Bang
/“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”
Happy New Year Yogis and Yoginis!
For many the 'Drop of the Ball' has long been an alarm-bell to ‘fix’ what we don't like about ourselves, or so we will feel better. We resolve to be thinner, healthier, wealthier, more ambitious, more confident, etc.
However, our urge to 'change' ourselves, or our conditions, is often driven by a deeper unconscious desire to avoid, cover up, or numb out what we are really feeling. For instance, let me tell you a little bit about my annual urge to cut bangs.
No matter how many times in the past I have regretfully cut my hair in bangs, I still get the impulse to do it. (Gentlemen, please bear with me. This may seem like a girl thing, but it will resonate by the end.) The urge always starts the same way: I'm getting dressed, doing my hair in front of the mirror and I begin pulling my hair into different styles, and before I get clear that I am actually just really tired, irritated, or simply in an unexplainable discontent mood, I determine, "I need a new hair cut. I should cut bangs."
Now, here is the crazy part…. I know, with 100% certainty, I don’t like how bangs look on me. My hair does not ‘bang well’. Every time I’ve cut them (15 times maybe) I call my dear friend Nicole the next day and I beg, “Promise me that you will never let me cut bangs again.” Truthfully after my last bangs cut in 2009, I thought I finally learned my lesson and really understood that it wasn’t ‘the answer’ to the deeper feeling of angst.
So, I was actually amazed last month, when I found myself shamefully trolling the Internet for sample bang hairstyles. And, I even made an appointment.
Aware I was on the edge, I used my last line of defense. I e-mailed Nicole my Google hair cut results: “Scroll down to the last model. What do you think? Am I a crazy person? Still with the bangs...” And while I wasn’t really sure what I wanted her response to be, thank god she wrote back, “You made me promise to talk you out of this conversation if you ever brought it up again! Put the scissors down and walk away slowly. Love, Nicole.“
I canceled my appointment.
But truth is, I still felt unsettled. And while I was relieved I didn’t cut my bangs this time. I still had to sit with this uneasy restless feeling inside. I was not comfortable. But over the course of the day, or maybe two, the restlessness eventually diminished (and my hair was intact!).
As Pema Chodron teaches:
“The more we witness our emotional reactions and understand how they work, the easier it is to refrain.”
As a culture, we are not encouraged to fully experience or relax with discomfort or agitation. Instead we are encouraged to avoid it, to fix it, to do something ‘else’—cut our hair, go shopping, eat sweets, have a drink, check our iPhone, download an app, turn on the TV, or some other numbing activity. But usually our quick fix, while initially relieving, leaves us feeling worse in the end. However, if we can learn to pause long enough—with out avoiding or ‘reacting’—we may find that either the uneasy feeling naturally dissipates, or that the discomfort we are running from may not be as unbearable as we thought, or that there is some deeper wisdom available to us within this anxious state.
Over time, our yoga and meditation practice can help us learn to ‘pause’ before we reach for relief or react allowing us instead to cultivate more patience; and a capacity to stay open with our discomfort as well as the discomfort of others. And hopefully, most importantly, the pause can help us make less-regrettable decisions. (Or at least not cut bangs… again!)
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”
Eventually, pausing more, our actions naturally become more aligned with and reflective of our deeper intentions and aspirations. So this issue of Yogalicious and every blog this month is packed with tips, practices, and inspiration to begin 2015 with more tools to pause and create actions that are aligned with our deeper intentions and aspirations.
Happy New Year!
With Love and Without Bangs (at least for today),
Jillian
WORDS OF WISDOM "…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are." - Pema Chodron
PRACTICE PAUSING AND DEVELOPING MINDFULNESS TO RELAX WITH HOW YOU FEEL
This Sharping your presence and mindfulness will help you to get clearer on what is most important. Try Thich Nat Han’s 3 min breathing practice to help you in this process.
